I have that awful pit in my stomach today. I am fearful that something "bad" is just around the corner. I am certain that something profound is going to change the course of my life, and not for the better
I don't know if this is because things seem to be going good right now and that means something is going to rock my world and throw me off course.
Am I the only one who ever feels this way? Do I need to seek Psychiatric help immediately.
I visited a Psychiatrist about this issue many years ago. I sat in her New York office and told her that I truly loved life and appreciated every day. As a result I was afraid it would be taken away--that all my hopes and joys, dreams and delights would be smashed.
She told me I was morbid. I never went back to see her.
Now, in my old age I wonder if she was on to something. Am I morbid? Anyone who knows me would strongly disagree. But then why am I so fearful that the world will turn upside down tomorrow?
Look at the poor Haitian people--in 15 seconds they lost lives, limbs, loved ones. That's how it happens.
Unfortunately I have had experience in this arena. I lost a beloved father when I was 19, a best friend/sister when I was 35, and have been caring for a mother with Alzheimer's for the last 16 years. That's my entire family.
Now, I have a wonderful new family and I worry about them.
I concede that indeed I worry about worrying. But I have become very, very good at it. And I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. Worrying can become a full time job.
I wish I could just worry about my wrinkles and my sagging eyelids but I can't. They seem so insignificant in the face of real worry.
I have more important things to worry about. Doesn't that sound ridiculous?
I recently read this cartoon. The Psychiatrist says to the patient, "You worry too much! It doesn't do any good!" The patient replies, " It does for me...95% of the things I worry about never happen."
That about sums up how I feel. And those five % of things scare the daylights out of me.