Sunday, July 18, 2010

Musings From A Woman on the Edge!

I forced myself to go kayaking today. I didn't really want to go. I wanted to hide under my covers and protect myself from the world. One of those days.

Kyle is off in the city with a friend, exploring the Mission area of San Francisco. Last summer I took him around this area and watched as he became enthralled in an area he hadn't yet explored. I made him promise me this morning that he would go with WIll and I again, later in the week.

Will is off on his little sunfish with a friend, breeze in his hair, salt water on his skin.

I watched him hang on to the boat, as he keeled on one side. He was hanging on for dear life.

And just like a mother, I turned to far to make sure he was OK and found myself emerged in the lagoon, clothes, sunglasses, hat and all.

I didn't mind. It's the getting back into the boat that's not such a pretty sight.

I felt a bit better after my small adventure but wonder when this wave of menopausal mood fluctuations will lift. Each and every month. Each and ever month. And it still catches me by surprise.

There is so much to do right now, and I don't want to waste a single moment. Please don't let me waste another moment.

And then there's this:

For any of my Bay area friends, I will be speaking at the Castro Theater on July 30th before they play my father's film, "Rosemary's Baby." Come and be scared. Not at the film, at how inarticulate I am in front of a crowd.

You all know I fear the devil. And here I am, once again, face to face with a film that changed my families life.

I had trouble getting out of bed today, how am I going to get up in front of a crowd and talk about the film?

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia

It's been so long I hardly know where to begin or how to start to write again. I have missed you all and have spent my days reflecting, sweating, worrying, sweating some more, loving, laughing, crying and obsessing. And that's before breakfast.

I spent the last week in Atlanta, Georgia. Yes, my 20th wedding anniversary was spent watching my boys fence at Nationals. See how it is 'my' wedding anniversary and 'my' boys. After 20 years, poor Tom still corrects me. "It's 'our' anniversary and 'our' boys!" I don't know what I would do without the love of 'my' life.

The four of us together again for one week, together making lemonade out of lemons.

It was hotter than Hades and 'cause we are from Northern California we are not used to the heat.

Our visit to FAT MATT'S pretty much sums up our visit to Atlanta. It was over 100 degrees when we arrived at this local barbeque joint. I wanted the real thing. I got the real thing. White bread and meat with so much fat that the pork falls right off the bone, slathered with barbeque sauce.

Will took his knife and fork and began to eat his barbeque chicken. The waitress ran to our table. "It's against the law to eat barbeque in Atlanta with a knife and fork," she admonished my poor son. "You need to get messy and then lick all that good barbeque off your fingers."

Will looked at me in shock. He takes his eating seriously and doesn't really like to get too messy with his food. But he dug in and we let the sauce stay stuck around our mouths for the rest of that hot Atlanta day.

It was perfect. Messy and foreign and it was just the four of us sharing a unique experience.

Yesterday we flew home. Kyle sat next to me on the plane and he began to discuss his plans for his European tour after he finishes high school. I have no idea where he came up with the idea that he "gets" a European vacation with his friends after he graduates from high school, but somewhere he did.

I looked at him with despair. It wasn't the cavalier way he assumed he was going to travel to Europe with friends after high school. It was that I wasn't going to be with him to get messy and enjoy all things foreign and share endless unique experiences with him.

Is our time together, the four of us, limited. I don't know. But I do know that I had the time of my life in Atlanta, Georgia. Go figure. As long as the four of us are together, Mommy is one happy lady.