For the last sixteen years I have spent New Years with Kyle. This is the first year he will not spend it with us.
Since his birth I haven’t gone to a party or out to dinner without the kids on New Years Eve.
“No way!” I used to say to Tom. “I want to celebrate the New Year with the family.” Tom indulged me.
Now, it seems Kyle would rather mark the celebration with his friends.
He should. I want him to. He will have a much better time.
But as I just kissed him good-bye and bid him adieux I cried. I couldn’t help myself.
Another ridiculous display of emotion. Another clear indicator of the passage of time.
I know this is all my fault. I should have spent a least a few New Years just with Tom. But no. I couldn’t. Did I understand at some level that the years would fly by and soon enough the kids would not want to spend time with us anymore? Or was I trying to teach the kids the importance of family?
Come on. Let’s be honest. Did I really know that this day was coming and I just didn’t want to make it that easy for them?
“Look I spent all these years celebrating with you ….”
Could I be this selfish and manipulative? The answer is clearly yes. Did I do it intentionally? I’m really not sure. But I did it. And the laughs on me.