Tuesday, October 13, 2009

What Can I Say?

What a lovely evening I had. Delightful, actually. The kids had finished their homework and we all sat around our comfy couch and watched the Monday Night light up on CBS. Everyone was in a good mood. I remember, a short time ago, when every evening was just like this one.

Kyle decided to go to bed early so he would be fresh for the new week. I walked into his room to say good night. He was lying on his bed with his computer open. He closed it as soon as I walked in.

"Ya know I'm going to the Treasure Island Music Festival this Saturday. Well, my ride there just blew me off."

I listened to him explain how his friend wasn't going to be able to drive him. And he wasn't sure how he was going to get to the concert. This was code for, "Mom can you drive me there?"

"The concert starts at noon and it's over at 10:40pm."

Then, it happened. The evil, demon came out of her cage. Out of nowhere, her ugly head spun around on her neck and was ready for a fight. Whew....I went ape shit.

You must remember that two weekends ago I had to survive Kyle driving to Berkeley to hang out with his girlfriend. He got home late and I stood on my front sidewalk in my underwear counting cars. The next weekend, he wanted to go to LoveEvolution in the city. I had actually helped Kyle talk Tom into letting him go. I worried the whole afternoon. And just two night ago, Kyle had wanted to spend the night at a party, but instead we decided that I would pick him up at one in the morning.

I knew about the concert but thought that it was a day affair. I had no flipin' idea it was a ten hour event. Treasure Island sits into the middle of the San Francisco Bay. It is halfway between SF and Oakland. You drive through it when you take the Bay Bridge from the city to oakland. I guess for the event one parks at the ball park and takes shuttles buses to and from the venue.

Everything about this little concert presses my mommy worry buttons. I and had had enough.

I stomped out of Kyle's room like a two-year-old having a melt down. I was crying as I screamed that I couldn't take anymore.

I left Kyle and Will staring at me as I shut myself into my bedroom, climbed into my bed, crying into my pillow.

Tom came in.

"I just can't take any more worrying right now," I sobbed. "I am tired and overwhelmed." I wiped the snot from my nose. "I had no idea the concert went into the night. There is going to be drugs and drinking and all sorts of out of control people. I just don't feel comfortable letting him go," I wiped more boogers from my nose.

"We'll figure it out," Tom promised. "But not tonight." He knew I was getting my period.

"Can you tell Kyle to come in and say goodnight," I asked in that shaky two year old voice. I did not wanting Kyle to go to bed thinking I was upset with him.

Kyle came in and I explained that I wasn't mad at him, I was just overwhelmed. He nodded his head as if he understood. I told him I loved him and he gave me a kiss goodnight.

Then, Will came in. He sat next to me in the tender way only Will can. He stroked my arm.

"You know Mom, one of Kyle's favorite bands is playing at the end of the concert," he informed me.

I explained to Will why the concert concerned me. He completely understood.

"A ten hour concert, that's ridiculous," he agreed. But he had little tears in his eyes.

"Why are you crying?" I asked.

"I just hate to see you upset," he said soothingly.

I assured him I was OK as I wiped my snotty nose with an old tissue sitting by my bedside. "I love you," I told him.

"Me too, Mom," he said.

And with this, the evil, menopausal blood sucking witch went back to her dormant place.

It's strange sharing a body with such an emotional, super-honest, bitch. But, the house grew quiet very quickly. And soon I fell fast asleep. I know that I will have to deal with making concert arrangements that allow Kyle to go to the concert while keeping him as safe as possible at the same time. It feels like an impossible job. But, as I told Will, it is my job.

I was not up to the task last night. Last night lady Macbeth came out. I won't have that excuse for the entire week.

So, I look forward to another weekend of worry and ridiculous car rides to destinations way the heck out of my way. And why do I do all this, you might ask yourself. I do it, because I love my boys!

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