Friday, October 23, 2009

The Mad Woman!

OK. I am in total awe. How do you all do it? I'm exhausted. I need to take a nap. But I have no time. Kyle and Will have 89,000 different activities going on in the month of November. I need to sign up for meals, open houses, carpools, buy gifts for Bar Mitzvah's, figure out fencing tournaments, tutor appointments, and my kids are under-scheduled. My kids are the kids that don't have a million activities. I am amazed. I can't keep it all straight and I can't read my writing on the stupid calendar.

What is going to fall by the waste side? I don't know, but I feel like I am going to let someone down big time. I am sorry if I forget a lunch date or a party or a community event. Please accept my apologies in advance.

This all started when I began writing my horror story. I am constantly looking for lost moments that I can slip into my room and write a scene or two. And my mind won't shut down. So, when the kids come at me asking me questions, I slip into panic mode. I am quickly becoming a horrible mother.

But I love/hate writing. At moments when I am blessed with a smidgeon of talent I am in bliss. The rest of the time I wrestle with words and plot and character studies. I hate character studies. Characters are so hard to write. You have to fall in love with them first. But I am too busy rearranging schedules to fall in love, even to get to know my characters.

I want to get to know them so badly. Part of me wonders if I should put them on ice and wait till Kyle and Will are out of the house, at college and beyond. But, I know I can't wait. I have to finish my story. I need to finish my story. I need to sleep.

But now I have to figure out what to wear to Tom's college reunion. I must make a plan for Will since Kyle is off at a dance. I need to pick Will's trousers from the tailor and then wash my hair. I must try and look good for Tom. An impossible task.

How do you all do it? I read the wonderful postings by Emily and Jennifer from in awe. They seem to manage so well and write witty repartee to boot. They have families and jobs. But their websites are filled with photographs and wonderful prose. You must check them out.

I must remove the peeling polish from my toes so Tom is not embarrassed of me. I must find a dress without a stain on it so I don't look like I have been living in my car. Do you think I will be able to carry on a conversation tonight? Will my words escape me because my mind at the moment is deep underground, in the bone filled catacombs of Paris.

Will they think me Goth if I tell them about the Marquis de Sade's cool castle in Lacoste and the 200 km. of tunnels below Paris filled with bones from the dead. Will they think that Tom's wife has lost her mind when I start rambling on about THE NECRONIMCON from H.P. Lovecraft's novels. Is it real? Do you think it is bound with human skin?

Or what if I start to talk about my kid's one act play schedule? What if I ask one of Tom's old roommates if he thinks Kyle remembered to re-arrange his Spanish tutor from Tuesday to Saturday?

They will turn to their significant other and declare, "She's gone mad. Mad I tell you!"

And I will smile because I know it is the truth. Friday afternoon and I have lost it again!

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