Thursday, June 3, 2010

My Rising Senior

I didn't snap a picture. I didn't think of it. He was so handsome in his black pants, white shirt, black tie and black v-neck sweater. Today is his last day of his junior year. When I pick him up at 2:30 he will be a rising senior.

I can't believe it.

I just began writing when he began his junior year and here we are. Time marching on. I have met so many wonderful people along the way but still I'm filled with emotion today.

I sat on his bed this morning and realized how grown-up he really is. He doesn't need his mommy so much any more. Though, I do think he still enjoys her (at times, when I'm not nagging or making him nuts--which is probably most times).

But I pause today for many reasons. I usually look so forward to summer. Can't wait for the freedom of endless schedules, homework and pressure. I love summer. But this year will be different. Very different. I know that in every fiber of my being. This summer will whip by in the blink of an eye. This summer Kyle will attend Boys State, Fencing Nationals and continue studying for the evil SAT's. He will also write his essay for his common application.

Already my heart is fluttering. What happened to days of endless relaxation? What happened to "What do you want to do today, boys? I dunno, Mom, what about you?"

It has been an interesting school year I'll give you that. There were highs and there were lows. And you got to read all about them right here on my blog.

The biggest high in respect to Kyle was spending the week in Los Angeles with him. It was great to show him my hometown and we had a blast together.

Funny, the lowest low was during that same week. He received his SAT scores early one morning when we were in LA and he was disappointed in his score. They just weren't good enough for him. I could literally feel all the stress in my young son's body. It scared me. He has always handled stress so well. But this year was difficult for him.

I am proud of Kyle and I do love being part of his life. He is witty and enthusiastic, helpful (when he wants to be) and kind.

I've done my job. Now what?

Of course I'll be there to support him. And I know he will need my support. But it is time I get out of his way and I'm not sure how. I've learned a lot this year so I have a bit more of an idea of what my boundaries need to be in respect to mothering him.

I love him like only a mother loves her sons! "Snap out of it," wise words from MOONSTRUCK will become my mantra. "Snap out of it!"

I'll try and remember to bring my camera when I pick him up. I need to document this important day. It feels huge. Monumental. Happy.

I'm not sad. That's partly because I have found all of you.


  1. Oh, how come my throat feels so tight and I can't swallow, Hmmm???

  2. I love that line from Moonstruck, a wonderful movie I haven't seen in far too long.

    Terry, I wish you well on this happy and sad day. I wish Kyle well too. And may your summers be full of at least a bit of that schedule-less magic that seems harder and harder to recapture.

  3. I'm so happy to have met you as well. Especially since our boys are at the same stages in life. My kids wrap up the school year next week. My eldest is re-taking his SATs on Saturday because he too wants to improve his score. Here's to a summer of proofreading application essays with some fun thrown in for good measure!

  4. Terry, you've come a long way. To hold but not hold too tightly. To let go but still be there. You're a wonderful mom. Somehow I don't think you're living through the hell that "Bar Mitzvahzilla" is putting me through with his teenaged mouth! Well, I'll post about it...

  5. Well, once I just surrendered to the change, the tension around my heart eased. In your own time and in your own way, that will happen. It has to. Teresa

  6. Moonstruck is one of my favorite movies of all time. My favorite line: "Old man, you give that dog one more bite of my food, I'll kick you till you're dead."

    Terry, I so understand. Your son is the same age as my stepson. He's over six feet tall, and yet at times, still so vulnerable that it crushes me. It's such a bittersweet time.

  7. Terry, you are doing a wonderful job raising capable boys. No doubt about it. This sucks. The hardest, and yet the best, thing to do is let go. Word to the wise, someone told me when Molly was going off to college, "Allow her to make decisions and mistakes, and be there when she falls." Finally, if this doesn't inspire you, maybe this will. Did you see the "60 Minutes" segment on Italian Mama Boys who live with their mothers even after their married? These mothers still cook, clean and do laundry for their boys. So I say Ciao to that nonsense...Enjoy your summer!

  8. Congratulations Kyle! And to you Terry for your self awareness and bravery in sharing all of this with us. I read you and see my future --only 5 years away. And I try to embrace the moments when I'm really needed here because I am still the grown up.

  9. I love reading your words because it wasn't too long ago when I was in the same place. Trust me... you will know when to get out of the way and when to step in. One thing of my biggest fears when my two boys left the nest for college was that they will never need me again... so not true! Just the other day I got a text from Kevin, my younger guy, who goes to school out of state. He wanted one of my recipes for Chicken and potatoes because he wanted to cook for his date that night. I jumped up and down cause he needed me that moment! Your boys will show you the same.

  10. Agh, what a big year! My daughter becomes a junior next year, my 3rd junior, and I know how big it is!! But he'll ALWAYS need his mommy. That's just the facts, maam. Altho I'm really glad we've gotten to share you with them. I am so enjoying the ride!! xo

  11. Hi Terry, I can relate as I have this week of finals and then a rising Junior to parent. It's bittersweet for me as well, but I think I will long remember this year of making these connections in an utterly new way—and feeling all the less alone in the parenting journey as a result of them.

    Here's to enjoying every step and stage.

  12. Terry,

    My daughter isn't there yet and we have a long way to go to reach her senior year. Your post reminds me that we all experience different milestones with our children and they evoke different feelings in us. It is bittersweet, the letting go, the tug at our own heart when they do, the hope they boomerang back to us from time to time. I wish you a wonderful summer full of memories with Kyle.

  13. I have 12 more years to go and I am fighting the tears right now, having read your post. Wow.

    Well, I feel you've still got your job - motherhood is forever. Kyle will always need you. :-)

    I read your blog with inspiration. I have so much to learn from you. Hang in there. Please keep writing. Let us know how it all goes. I'm so glad you've got good blog friends to cushion this huge life transition!