Saturday, August 29, 2009

What Are You Thinking?

I have been receiving some wonderful e-mails from you. I wanted to share a few of them. Soon I will figure out how to make this BLOG a more open forum. Not to worry, I have cleared the use of these e-mails with the senders. The last thing I need right now is to lose friends! Thank you all for taking the time to read my thoughts. I know I love hearing yours.

Dear Terry

One week down, and our son is doing GREAT and Fabulous! He does however want to come home Saturday -- for a little while -- : ) My husband was going to dissuade him, but I put a BIG KABBASH on that idea!!! : ) He has to pick up some necessary items he forgot: a comb... although he says finger combing has been successful... a jacket -- the heat wave is over -- (thankfully) (and a Hurricane is a coming -- no rain gear)... a pencil sharpener... and most important, a Latin Dictionary. He already has 60 lines to translate, from Ovid, and hasn't a dictionary to assist him.

Well, my friend, so far, emptying the nest is more like a great picture show, or bird watching. It is great fun to watch the fledglings spread their magnificent wings and take flight for the first time. It's beautiful to see them explore, take charge, and experience. I recommend it. You too will wonder, worry, and keep tight reins until the last moment, then it is a freeing experience to open your hands and gently blow on them to release the special miracle -- your son -- and watch him take off into the atmosphere and joyfully flitter about.

Take care,
Your Friend

This makes me want to cry. But will I be this brave?

Another friend wrote:

Hi Terry,

That last blog was a little tough to take. Don't really like thinking about this phase of my life as afterbirth, but here is proof you might be onto something.

Yesterday, Nick called from college to say 'hi' and mentioned he had lost his wallet the night before. My mind went into the fight or flight mode as I grilled him what was in the wallet, what immediate actions he needed to take and what could be put off until tomorrow. Just after I hung up the phone, a man named Ben called to say he had found Nick's wallet and was trying to contact him so he could return it to him, I gleefully took down Ben's number, then called Nick with the good news and texted him Ben's number.

Moments after completing this joyous transaction, it occurred to me that Ben might be some creep. Why was he so persistent to return Nick's wallet in person? Why not just keep the wallet? I knew my paranoid protective side was taking over and I resisted the overwhelming urge to text Nick--"Only meet Ben in a public place" or "Bring a friend with you when you meet Ben."

It's embarrassing - my mind keeps parenting him like he was 12 years old. Further, it has turned the Good Samaritan into a villain who could potentially harm my six-foot tall, college-aged son---pathetic.

So even thought those boys will be off to college in a few short years, your crazy mind will keep you busy for years to come with helpful suggestions you can send their way.


Bertha is always honest with me. She is a wonderful Mom with the patience of a saint. But, will she get sick and tired of my constant questions and complaints?

Another wonderful friend is always a step ahead of me. She is generous of spirit and always there to both understand and support.

Terry -

I felt the same way when my daughter left for school - but I talk to her more now (nice conversations - never arguments) then ever before. She is my best friend - and when she is not visiting or I am not visiting we are planning our next visit. She recently got a dog and I feel like a grandma - I find myself shopping for puppy toys. I know when my son leaves I will even be busier - a happy busy - planning when we can all get together - and visiting them both. It has been a truly positive experience - and I am so proud!

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and wisdom!

You might want to check out this article about dropping your kids off at college that appeared in today's San Francisco Chronicle.

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